We Are Killing Fatherhood

God built the world on family.

The created world came about by His Word: “Let there be.” And there was. The church world was formed with the setting aside of the Sabbath, the day of worship designed for the God of grace to deepen the special relationship He had established with the crowning point of His creative genius: man.
And then there were two. Male and female He created them, with the instruction to be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth with the children that God Himself would design and form, nurture and protect. God built the world, filled the world, and blessed the world all around His masterful conception of family.
And we’re killing it.

Make no mistake: the human race has been trying to undo what God has done from that very first couple. “The woman you gave me,” Adam said, seeking to cast blame for his own failure on his wife and his Lord. We’ve been following the paternal pattern of indiscretion and misdirection ever since.

The Sexual Revolution of the 1950’s and 60’s was nothing new under the sun in the eyes of God, but for our society today this is the latest manifestation of self-absorbed and self-consuming lust run amuck, with responsibility and relationship cast aside with every used condom. We worship at the altar of the orgasm, adorned by the sacraments of abortion and porn. Our new doctrine is that the momentary pleasure is more valuable than the life of joy that the Lord of life engineered into our DNA. Commitment is for losers. We’ve devolved to microwave sexuality, where we simply push start on whatever prurient imagery turns the tray and warms the leftovers of what was once a precious gift from God. Horny is the new happy.

We’re two generations in to paralytic parenting, where those who couldn’t keep it zipped can’t find the way or the words to teach their sons to genuinely love a girl more than they love themselves. Their daughters have learned that the only way to keep a boy is to do him. How nice. Until she realizes she’s late. No commitment. No responsibility. No real relationship. “But I thought he really loved me.” Except he’s not here anymore.

We cannot speak to previous centuries whose iterations of the theme left similar trails of human destruction. But in our world, in our time, we do know this:

• With countless males unloading and then leaving, we’re approaching the 50% mark of children born without the mature commitment of relationship, better known as marriage. The figure goes up to 70% in the inner cities. Children born into single-parent homes are far more likely to drop out of school, to have or cause a teen pregnancy, and to experience divorce in adulthood (http://datacenter.kidscount.org/publications);
• The number one indicator for poverty in America is single motherhood;
• As if shacking up without marriage would help, the reality is that couples who live together first are 33% more likely to break up.

 
What this means, men, is that many of us have bought the lie. We’ve been sold a life view that radically cheapens sex, women, marriage and children, just so long as we can get laid, and our own hormones and instincts are more than happy to oblige. We’re not animals, because even the animal kingdom takes a higher view of relationship than we do. Many of us don’t know any different or any better; most of us do, but we just don’t want to think about it. Seeing a woman as the beautiful creation that she is, willing to sacrifice our very selves to elevate and honor her, focusing our priorities on what she needs, and investing our souls in caring for hers – that’s too much work over too much time. We’re better off settling for a sexual companion, in which we tell ourselves and the world that this is the best we can do. That’s pathetic. It’s childish. It’s cowardice.

            The same gender that’s willing to spend $40,000 on a truck should know that you get what you pay for. If we are not willing to spend our spiritual and emotional capital on anyone other than ourselves, we end up lonely and alone. Loving a woman for more than her body means we take the time and make the effort to empty ourselves for her sake, and break out the tools that God has given to us to build something that will last.

A real man’s love seeks to explore her heart and soul with wonder and awe, knowing that God Himself has gifted me with this beautiful person that I certainly do not deserve. A real man’s love treasures her honor and her faith in Christ as the true measures of beauty, so much so that he restrains his physical instincts until that time in which the Lord has lifted the two to new heights of mutual devotion and lifelong commitment. A real man’s love sees the unmitigated joy in having children with this special creature. He welcomes the immense challenge of raising them up in the power and love of Jesus, knowing that they will live every day in the shade of their mother’s indescribable and unmatched dedication to their every breath and blink.

When men do that, we not only save our children, but we save fatherhood for the next generation as well. Who else is going to show them? When men actually embrace their God-given calling of manhood, divorce rates decrease and worship life increases. Our children are far less likely to get involved in drugs and crime, and far more likely to get involved in the mission and ministry of Jesus. Those children grow up in Christ and in faith, and they in turn raise up their children in the power, peace and presence of Jesus Christ.
It takes men who set aside the selfishness and laziness that settles for cheap copies. It takes men of honor. It takes men who want and need more out of life than the next orgasm. It takes the patience and self-control to know that the short-term delay in personal gratification will lead to a lifetime of even greater joys and experiences, accompanied by a woman and children who genuinely love us for who we are.
And yes, it will lead to even better sex!

So be a man. Be a father. And have this mind in you, before you unzip.