THE SPIRIT OF THE THING - NOW, GOD?

Father, I’ve been waiting for Your answer. I know little voices in my head and skywriting in the clouds are not Your style, but I’ve been praying a lot for a long time. I’m just wondering when You will show me the plan. Is today good?

I find myself growing more tired every day, Lord. Sleep seems elusive and peace is a pipe dream. I wish I could stop this ride so I can get off, but the coaster keeps rolling, and I cannot shut down my brain. Thinking the same things, obsessing on the same situation, praying the same prayer and awaiting Your answer is wearing me out. So is now OK?

I can hardly remember how this started, or maybe it’s better if I can’t, but I think I’ve exhausted every option, looked for every solution, explored every possible next step, and I keep coming back to the place I started. Clearly I’m not seeing it, but I know You see it, Lord, so I’m hoping for a little clarity here. Is this a good time?

With each passing day I feel like I’m carrying more weight, wandering blindly, guessing in the darkness and sensing that I’m running out of strength, and out of time. Unless You would like to step in at some point. Like now, God?

I realize I’m not the first of Your chosen ones who’ve had to learn the hard lesson of Your timing. You went about 400 years without saying much, until as You put it, “when the time had fully come,” You sent Your Son, born of a woman – God in the flesh – to redeem the rest of us born here, living here, dying here. You so loved the world, You sent Jesus, because it was time.

So I’m asking You again, Father God: is now the time?

You promised to send all us sinners a Savior, born of a virgin (like You said), born in Bethlehem (like you said), sent into the world to seek and save the lost (like He said). I’m the sinner. I’m the lost. And even though You sent Him into my heart and into my life the first time You washed my sins away, I need Him again. Yesterday.

But even as I search for answers, I still remember Who found me first. Who came to me. Who chose me. Who loved me and loves me, even when I’m not so in love with myself. Even when I’m not too enamored with You. Jesus keeps coming. Keeps loving. Keeps listening.

If it’s not today, then I’ll come back again tomorrow. Where else can I go? You have the words of eternal life and temporal triumph. I just need a little more strength at some point. Soon.
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Come, Lord Jesus. Give me what the shepherds and the angels are having. Fill me with whatever got the saints from here to there. Come, Lord Jesus. Like, maybe…now?